Glitz, Glamour and Heartburn

So now the 79th Annual Academy Awards are history. . . and quite frankly, a welcome relief.


In all fairness, let me begin by sharing the real highlights. I cheered for Jennifer and Marty. I danced in my living room when the Dreams performed again - IRL! And I enjoyed Helen and Forrest's acceptance speeches. There were some definate fashion eye candy (and some faux pas), but for the most part, nothing drastic that I could see. And maybe . . . that might have been the problem.


This has to be the most boring, most lackluster Oscars I have seen in years. I have watched every year since as far back as I can remember. As much as I love Ellen, she really looked uncomfortable there on stage, and her jokes looked almost forced. And as the host, it seemed she didn't have much exposure on the show -- maybe that was a good thing. The show didn't flow well at all and who was in charge of the order of the awards this year?!? For years, the first award given out has been the Best Actress in a Supporting Role. Tonight, I had to wait over 2 hours for that to happen.


You know how they always abbreviate the Science and Technology Awards? They should do that for some of these other, smaller awards -- like Short Documentary, or Set Design and Art Direction.


Honestly, when I was a kid, I imagined myself standing on that stage, accepting for best screenplay or best direction. Hey, I'm 44 -- perhaps it's still not too late! But AMPAS is in real danger of losing their yearly audience. Next to the Super Bowl, this is THE television event of the year. American Idol is quickly staging itself to replace it.


They have a whole year to prep for it, it should look like it! Slick, sophisticated and smooth. To all future Oscar telecast directors: Save a copy of tonight's show as an example of what NOT to do!


Anybody got the Pepcid AC handy?