I think we’ve all been duped!

I was reading the label on a pizza pan that I just purchased today and something I read struck me as strange…well, maybe not so much strange as, well…overstated? The decal on the pizza pan read: 25-Year warranty against workmanship defects!

I laughed to myself as I read this because, after all, what IS the definition of “workmanship?” Simply stated it is “the art or skill of a craftsperson or artisan” or “the product or result of labor or skill; work executed.” Now, perhaps there’s a remote possibility that some person actually took a piece of metal, pounded it into a perfectly round pizza pan, drilled hundreds of tiny vent holes into the bottom and coated the surface perfectly with that beautiful non-stick finish! Domo arrigato, Mister Roboto!

As I thought about it further, it occurred to me that, in 25 years, I will be just ready to turn 70 years old (OMG!!!) and what would I do if, in the year 2032, just before the clock stopped ticking on my valuable warranty, I should need repair or replacement of said pizza pan? Several questions arose in my head regarding my rights as a consumer, should I require satisfaction from the poor workmanship they have warrantied against.

(1) Would this company still be in business in 2032? (2) If not, how would I seek restitution as a consumer to find a suitable fix for my dilemma? (3) What alternative would I be offered if this particular model of pizza pan had been discontinued DECADES ago? And (4) Would I have been resourceful enough to have kept the receipt all these years to prove rightful ownership of said pizza pan, thereby holding the company or government responsible to uphold their end of the bargain?

I am afraid that I have suffered from a condition throughout my life known as packratism (that’s PACK-RAT-ism). It has only been in the past year or so that I have finally (and Cole can attest to this!) been able to let go of all the “important” papers that I have accumulated of the course of what may seem decades! (“Important” usually means ANY paper that I brought home instead of tossing it – at least, not just yet!).

So for me to have actually had the foresight to hang onto that little piece of paper seems a bit far-fetched (although maybe not so for others).

This has also gotten me thinking about all the products and services that are guaranteed, warrantied or otherwise assured the consumer that “defects in workmanship” would be rectified. What really seems funny to me now is that, statistically, how many of us actually do the footwork to get something exchanged when it ceases to function before the stated warranty period expires. I would bet that the vast majority of consumers will replace the item with their own money, rather than spend the time, effort and resources to find reparation should the need arise…and I would venture to bet that most of these big corporations know this and bank on us doing exactly that!

What was that about a sucker being born…etc., etc., etc.?